Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
