There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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