oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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