You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
