i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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