we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm too high and old for this...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
