You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
