Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
