you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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