found the other keg... it's in the tree
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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