I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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