She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
