It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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