Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
