That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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