You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
