so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
