saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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