OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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