There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
