My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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