wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
