Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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