Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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