omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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