Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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