your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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