do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
