I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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