Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
