after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
