Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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