I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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