Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
