Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
