So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
