Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
