Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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