told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
