he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
