Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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