I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
