So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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