We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
