My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
