I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
