It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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