the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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