Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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