You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
