omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
