Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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