I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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