this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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