the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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