worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
