I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
