I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
