Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
