True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
