Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you win again, gameday.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
