i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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