Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize