and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
